I’m wearing a plain t-shirt and baggy shorts, Korean spa-style waiting for my treatment with Dr. Hata. Tikkun Holistic Spa is a serene oasis, offering not only lovely massages, facials and scrubs, but holistic treatments operating on a different level, energetically. I’m into this stuff. On my spiritual path, I went from being a skeptic, to finding energy work to be a very enriching, healing experience. I had visited Tikkun earlier to shoot video with Rachel from Club Momme and Jamie from I’m Not The Babysitter, (coming soon!) but didn’t get a treatment myself. Tikkun owner, Niki, told me I absolutely had to try Dr. Hata. Very little was described to me, other than that I would love it.
Not only do reader questions satisfy my normally unsolicited and potentially annoying, advice-giving compulsion, they mean that I actually have readers. Win win!
John messaged me, sharing difficulty in a new relationship:
I was reading your pre-Peru blog post and for you to open up about the pain your divorce caused, touched me.
I never had a girlfriend until I was 29. We clicked instantly and I felt connected to her. But she did not love me. I found out she was cheating on me and I cut off contact with her. But that pain has not subsided. It still hurts and has left me with an inability to trust. I went to therapy for a few years, but I eventually reached the end of what it could do for me. I kept putting myself into no-win situations with people who are not available.
I am now in a relationship I am too scared to label. I am happy, but I keep waiting for her to dump me. Even though she has given me no reason to expect that. How do I free myself from the chains of the past?
Now, John, let’s just be clear: I’m no love expert. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I care about my reader(s!) and am happy to share some nuggets that have helped me on my personal journey toward healing a frozen heart.
Disclaimer: I have been watching Frozen with my son waaaaaaayyyyyy too much of late, but in this case, I think the message applies. (If only it were as easy as a visit to the trolls!)
First, I commend your courage to share your experience and ask for help. Your new, er, “lady friend”, is a lucky woman to have a man willing to work on his past baggage. Bravery, awareness and willingness are essential to freeing yourself from your past.
Welcome to Lima, Peru! I had one night in Lima before heading to the rainforest for the retreat. International travel always does the spirit good. After checking into the hotel and a quick nap, my friend M and I set off to take in what we could with one day in Lima.
First things first, let’s eat! We walked over to Larcomar, a giant, open air mall overlooking the bay. Maybe I was jet-lagged and tired, maybe I expected something different, maybe we shouldn’t have started off in such a tourist draw….but to me, Larcomar felt awfully like any mall at any beach, actually a LOT like Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Winding past American chain restaurants blaring American pop music, we settled into a small Peruvian cafe with an ocean view for a small bite and some maté de coca. (tea made from coca leaves, the same plant that cocaine is made from…a very mild stimulant, equivalent to coffee. wheeee!)
I was starving for some real food and could have gone to town on this menu, but with dinner reservations at the highly recommended Astrid y Gastón only hours away, we decided on a couple small plates.
First up: Tiradito! Fresh, citrus-y and bright, this was the perfect first dish in Lima. Peruvian corn, yam, aji amarillo and raw fish soaked in lime, this woke up our palate.
Next came Causa Limeña, a cold, layered appetizer made of mashed yellow potatoes, cooked tuna, and onions garnished with avocado and boiled egg in a creamy tomato sauce. Popular in the summer months, but still delicious on a cloudy, cool day, it was light, filling and reassured me that we were in fact in Peru, not just any old mall by the beach. With local food in our bellies and fortified by the maté de coca, we were ready to take in the city.
*Special thanks for the lovely original musical stylings of David Woodward and Jan Melchior Maclaar.
This is me. Hi. Nice to meet you. Most of my life I’ve been a seeker. Someone who’s willing take a look at my personal baggage, get help and work on it. Work, being the operative word. I’m methodical, disciplined, result-oriented. (A total Virgo, right?) I have always believed you could change your life if you just worked hard enough and willed it to be.
Four years ago my divorce rocked me to my core and set my course in a new direction. I had worked so hard at my marriage, yet ultimately, it failed. I became a single working mother, in uncharted territory. I was ready to roll up my sleeves and do my work to create and fight for happiness in all facets of my life: work, family, love, myself.
Traditional therapy had been my avenue of choice, and it served me well. Until last year. I had hit a wall. I was repeatedly picking love relationships with unavailable men. (I’m sure I’m the only woman guilty of this, right?) and I had had enough.